Ter (terrierlee) wrote in barrythechopper,

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My crack Barry series.

Title: Sequel to Roommate Love
Author/Artist: terrierlee
Warnings: Groping, shocked blonds... The usual. Crack :D
Rating: PG-13 for nudity
Pairings: BarryFarman
Summary: Havoc keeps a close eye on two certain roommates, and ends up with a surprise.
Author's Notes: This is a sequel to a previous fic, by my friend samaside, Roommate Love, hence the title XD Link is below if you wish to read it first.

Here's the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2266300/1/

A few weeks after the whole chess incident with Havoc, Barry and Farman, the blond decided to keep a close watch on the two. He requested leave, saying he needed the vacation, everyone believed him. For once, all that getting turned down had helped him.

That night, Havoc dressed in all black and put on a black cap, so his hair was covered. He came across the apartment where Barry and Farman were held captive. He climbed up the stairs and hid himself as he looked through the window. Nothing.

Barry came into his view, and he was holding... a towel? Farman walked up behind the suit of armor. He held a small smile on his stony face.

"Make sure not to scrub so hard, okay Barry?"

"Sure thing Chief!"

They walked to a section where the bathroom was located. Havoc stayed where he was, before he heard the showerhead running. What? He waited a bit more, straining to listen over the water.

"Damn Chief. You hide your figure well."


No. Havoc moved over and looked through the window outside the bathroom. Farman was standing in front of the shower, completely shirtless and starting to rid himself of his pants. Barry was near the sink, folding Farman's shirt and holding the towel. Barry was right. Farman was buff.

Havoc gulped as he saw the size of Farman and looked down at himself. That wallflower was holding out on everyone!

As Farman started to enter the shower, a bar of soap appeared under his foot and he slipped. Havoc watched in slow motion as Barry leapt forward and caught Farman in his arms. The towel he was previously holding was now laying on the floor.

"You okay Chief!?"

"I'm okay. Thank you Barry."

"No problem."

Barry helped Farman get to his feet. The ex-serial killer bent down and grabbed the soap. He handed it to Farman. The stone-faced man cracked a smile. He then entered the shower, no slipping this time.

As soon as Farman entered, Barry picked up the towel and sat on the floor. Then two started to chat while Barry waited for the man to finish in the shower.

Havoc, in the meantime, had ducked under the window, a blush covering his face. Was it him, or did that soap magically appear there, wanting Farman to slip so Barry would catch him? The thought burned into his brain. He didn't want to think about it. He waited a few more minutes, before he heard Farman speak.

"It's time Barry."

"Okay chief."

Havoc peeked over the window. Barry made a clanking sound as he approached the shower. Farman handed the suit of armor the evil soap. The supposed gray-haired wallflower turned so his backside was facing Barry.

The suit of armor started to lather the towel in foam before he scrubbed away at Farman's back. He started at the shoulders, then to the nape right under the neck. Down the spine, at the sides, further and further the scrubbing went down, nearing Farman's waist.

Havoc's eyes turned into UFOs. Which is weird cause... do they exist in this world? o_O;

Barry seemed to get an evil gleam in that light of an eye of his. He got to Farman's waist and went even further, Farman didn't seem to mind. Then Barry started to scrub away at Farman's behind, groping it so all the dirt would disappear. He finished up, and before Farman could even turn away so the water could drain the sudds away,

Barry pinched his ass.

Farman turned around and stared at Barry. Then he looked up.

Havoc, was busted.

Farman pushed Barry out of the bathroom and quickly finished at rinsing his body. He tossed a pair of boxers, shorts and a t-shirt before running out of the apartment and crashing into Havoc.

"Havoc! It wasn't what it looked like!"

He got no answer.

Havoc had passed out of the floor, his nose bleeding.

Title: The Wonders of Being Stuck in a Closet with a Serial Killer
Author/Artist: terrierlee
Warnings: Groping XD That's basicly it.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: BarryFarman
Summary: When trying to get a chessboard, Farman and Barry get trapped in a closet. Insanity insues.
Author's Notes: This is pure crack on my part. I'm actually trying to get my friends to write more BarryFarman. Until they can, I shall :D

Farman glared at the wall. It wasn't his fault he was trapped in this closet. With a serial killer. Oh dear.

It all started when Barry wanted to play some chess. So Farman went to the closet, where the chess board was hidden. As he stepped unto a stool, Barry came up behind him. Farman was too busy searching on the top shelf to see the suit of armor come up behind him.

"Find it yet Chief?"

Farman toppled over and crashed, causing Barry to fall over, causing the floor to shake causing the door to swing shut.

They were stuck.

Which is where they were at this very second. But after ten rounds of chess, you tend to get bored easily. Barry started to hum while Farman tried to figure a way out. He didn't know alchemy. Riza made sure that there were no knives in the apartment...

Farman shifted his weight so it was on his other leg. The closet barely fit the both of them. well, it was pretty tall, and there was some room to walk about, but that was kinda hard considering a large suit of armor blocked the doorway. Farman sighed and glared a closed-eyed glare.

"If you hadn't of scared me like that, we wouldn't be stuck in here."

"But I was only wondering if you found the chessboard." Barry murmured in a subdued voice.

The wallflower of a warrant officer leaned against the wall. There MUST be a way out. Oh who made these doors lock automatically?

Somewhere, on the other side of the Gate, someone sneezed.

Better to stay quiet. Farman mused. And too much movement would make the closet hot. Just stay still. Keep breathing regular. Yeah.

Either way, the room started to get stuffy. So stuffy is was causing Farman's eyes to droop. He fell backwards and onto the suit of armor that was behind him.

Barry "felt" something fall on him. He picked up his head and turned it around. Farman was dead asleep on him. He put his head back on and turned around swiftly, like a ninja, so Farman wouldn't fall on the floor and hurt his head.

The buff wallflower murmured in his sleep and rested his head on Barry's shoulder.

Now, if Barry could blink, he would have been blinking up a storm. But Barry's a suit of armor, and like Al, can't blink. Barry got an evil idea in his head. Farman was defenseless when sleeping.

Barry laid his hand on Farman's stomach and lifted his shirt enough for his armored hand to get under. The man sleeping on him made a gurgled noise at the sudden metal that touched his stomach. The ex-serial killer moved his hand up further, even an even BETTER plan popped into his hollow helmet. He brought his hand upward, feeling up on Farman's ribbed abdomen.

When the closet door suddenly opened, showing Havoc with a nonchalant face to a "WTF!?" face. Farman, who was only asleep due to the stuffiness of the cramped space, awoke at the sudden air that hit his face.

It was only then did he realize Havoc standing there with a totally shocked expression. He didn't know why until Barry removed his hand from his chest. Farman jumped up, banging his head against the coathanger, thus knocking him out again.

By this time, Havoc had passed out on the floor again.

Barry shrugged, lifted Farman and brought him to his bed. He left Havoc where he was.

Title: Jealous is Such an Evil Thing
Author/Artist: terrierlee
Warnings: None of which I know of. Yes, no groping in this one XD
Rating: PG
Pairings: BarryRiza, with BarryFarman on the side.

Farman glanced at the door. Someone was knocking. Thinking it was Havoc, he got up and opened the door.

It was Riza, decked in civilian clothing.

He saluted. "Lt. Hawkeye, what are you doing here?" Farman heard clanking in the next room. Riza saluted back and walked into the apartment as Farman moved away from the door.

"Just checking up on you two. Everytime Havoc comes back from doing so, he looks like he just met the Major's family for the first time again."


"MISSY!!!" Barry jumped into the room, hugging Riza's waist. "Oh I've missed you so much!! I've been good Missy. I haven't chopped a single person since you and that weird Mustang fella left me with the Chief! It's true! Just ask!"

Riza "sweatdropped" and gently patted the helmet that was rubbing against her side. "I'm sure you did Barry."

"I love you so much Missy!" Barry cooed and he clung to Riza. "You should come visit more often! Yes! Please Missy?" If souls attached to armor could cry, tears would be evident on Barry's eyes. But the way he spoke the request made him reel back from the ache in his chest.

Farman, if he ever opened those damned eyes, would of blinked at that moment. Something was up. Why should he care if Hawkeye came to visit once and a while? It really shouldn't matter.

But as he watched Barry huggle Riza, it hurt.

Farman quietly wonder why.

Title: Cause Every Couple Needs Some Angst
Author/Artist: terrierlee
Warnings: Angry!Farman. Have we ever seen that before? >>;
Rating: PG-13, just to be safe.
Pairings: BarryFarman hinting
Author's Notes: Yeah. This actually brings up the stories I wrote earlier. So it'd be best if you read those first, then this.

Something was wrong with the Chief. And it was Barry's job to find out what was wrong.

After Farman refused to play chess until Barry was up in his face, and wouldn't talk to him right after they finished their 11th round, Barry was sure something was terribly, terribly wrong.


Farman was on his bed, turned over so his back was facing the suit of armor. Barry came up to the bed.


The warrant officer didn't reply. Barry tapped his cheek, turned, and walked out of the room. Farman glared at the wall. This is stupid. He doesn't even realize... The clanking of metal came into the room.

"The paper's here Chief."

Still no answer.

"I know how much ya like the paper..."


Farman shut his eyes. Hopefully, if he ignored Barry enough, he'd leave him alone.

That was the man last thought before he was hoisted up into the air.

"Barry?! Wha-!?"

He was carried to where the chessboard sat. Farman was thrown onto the couch. If suits of armor could glare, Barry would have been doing so, making sure Farman knew actually how pissed he was at him.

"What is wrong with you Chief!?" A shrill was added at the end.

"Nothing." Short and precise. The way Farman always answers.

"Well it doesn't seem like nothing! You're ignoring me!" Barry stomped his foot on the floor. "Answer me dammit!"

Farman looked at Barry in the eye with a sharp glare. The suit of armor stepped back, very unsure now that he saw that Farman was furious.

"Remember in the closet? When I as 'asleep'? I was awake. In the shower, I didn't stop you. Then Hawkeye comes over and you act like an angel. Clinging onto her every word. Like you haven't been playing around with me all this time! Why if I could, I would leave you here and let you suffer being bored!" Farman, by this time, was standing up, hands balled up into fists, his breathing heavy.

"Woah Chief.."

"Stop calling me Chief." With that, Farman turned, and walked back to his room.

Barry stayed where he was till morning, deeply confused.

Title: More BarryFarman Crack
Author/Artist: terrierlee
Warnings: Crack XD
Rating: PG-13, just to be safe.
Pairings: BarryFarman
Author's Notes: I wrote this during my creative writing class. I was THIS bored. And the song that happened to be playing when I wrote this was Close the Door by Marvin Gaye. It fit the mood XD

The next day, Farman finally left his room and froze from his spot in the doorway.

It was times like this he was glad his eyes were forever shut.

In the middle of the living room, which was covered in flower petals, (which, Farman mused, he did not want to know where they came from) Barry lay on the flower-petaled couch, on his side, as if in a seducive way.

Barry "winked" at the other man, bringing an armored hand up his thigh, he motioned Farman to come closer. Farman continued to stare at the ex-serial killer. Was he trying to seduce him?

Well, Farman looked at what Barry did to the rest of the room. Barry is doing a very bad job at seducing. No doubt about that.

"Come here Chief." Another wink.

I must be sleeping. Farman mused again, as Barry sat up slowly, pushing his front forward, amrs stretched outward, as if to lure Farman into his arms.

Farman turned, and walked back into his room. He didn't come back for the rest of the day.

Barry wondered what he did wrong.
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